Tucker Booth, "Chapter 3. Strip Club" on the album ExBoyfriend (written by Jonathan Toth)

Now 4:00 in the morning, Tucker barrels down 40 across state lines to East St. Louis, looking for rebound love in the strip club. Once inside the club he meets Jezebell, a stripper schooled in the art of separating drunken fools from their valuables.

Jez asks Tucker if he would like to join her in a downstairs room for a private dance and he agrees. Just before heading down a grizzled bouncer stops Tucker and demands his wallet, credit cards, and car keys as incentive to behave. He also makes it clear that Jezebell is the only one who can use her hands...if Tucker touches her he will be ejected 'violently.' TDB agrees and heads on to his hasty tryst.

Once she has led him down to the private cellar, Jez begins a dance routine so beguiling that Tucker begins to have flashbacks of his ex Christy. He hallucinates that he is talking to Christy, begging her to make up with him, and then goes in for a kiss...with disastrous results.

Co-Starring: Danielle Payne as the Jezebell and Abe tha Babe as The Bouncer.
lyrics
[INTRO] Horns...phone ring

TOTH: ...Tucker...do you know what time it is?
TDB: ...Wait, wait. Lemme check...oh yeah...it's TIME TO GO EASTSIDE!
TOTH: [click]

[BEAT DROP]
Eastside looks so pretty at night...all those neon lights...so inviting...so enticing...SO MY THING.

Swervin' through East St. Louis,
drunk, shocker right?
I'm curvin' to double lines
done up in dotted white,
They lead me straight to that place,
where trouble's gotta hide,
Eastside...cause Mis-
ery's gotta lotta pride.

It's nothin', especially
when it's time to come inside,
lookin' for a friendly face,
to make my nature rise,
and when I get to the door,
it's really no surprise,
that Jezebell mesmer-
izes me...with her eyes.

Closer and closer, she's comin'
bolder and bolder, I'm done in,
my tunnel vision's from my
cock,-a-dude-who'll-do run ins,
my fist slipped to my zip-
per, like don't miss this chance,
but she's quick to catch my
drift, "Would you like a dance?"

"If you insist," shit, I'm
talkin' with my ding-a-ling,
"Cash or charge kid?" Oh
yeah...ch-ching, ch-ching,
"There's three rules, and you'll re-
spect 'em and agree, to
first gimme your credit card, (huh?)
second, gimme your keys, (wha?)

thirdly, and most im-
portantly, only she can ap-
ply the touching. You touch her,
you leave, violently.
"Get it?" "Oh yes sir, for
sure, I would never sir.
I shall follow thy word,
down to the letter sir,"

She held my paw, and I
let her, downstairs to a
cellar, she sat me down in a
chair, and now will do as I tell her!
Closer and closer, she's comin',
bolder and bolder, I'm done in,
she's got my business in her
hands and she's slowly rubbin'.

She's so beautiful...
"Christy, why'd you have to leave?
Do you miss me? Can
we make up and kiss please?"
Then she said "yes," and
meant it, so I leaned in and
went to get it, and swept her
up inside my tightest grip.

Then came a shriek, that
'didn't sound like she was she,
Pushing and yelling like,
"Hey D! Get him off of me!"
Next thing I know, they
threw me on the hard street,
no money, no credit card
...and no car keys...

TDB: "Hah Hah, fuck you guys. I touched her...HAH HAH I TOUCHED HER, YOU COULDN'T STOP ME! I WIN! YOU LOSE!

[OUTRO] Tucker passes out on an Eastside street.



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