It was a Monday, THE Monday before the election. The president had called an emergency press conference. Some of the media balked and refused to cover it. Social media ran interference. Topics ranged from abuse of power to conspiracy theory to Lol Dolls. Reruns and blockbuster movies blared loudly from most homes, but some tuned in to the president, wondering what tricks might be up his sleeve.
“America, I am so proud to have served as your commander-in-chief. I hope everyone gets a chance to vote tomorrow. This will be the greatest election in the history of the world.” There was some applause from the audience and a few laughs. “I could talk about how great this administration is. How it came to be. Why our country is so much safer, so much stronger, so much greater than ever before.
“I could brag about taking down Epstein and Weinstein,” more applause, “the child-trafficking pimps who ran Hollywood, Washington and royalty through blackmail and sex.” Nervous laughter echoed his words. “I could explain how the Deep State is losing its hold on our military, our government and our money.” Whoops got lost in the acoustics.
“I could spill the beans on all the sealed indictments, hundreds of thousands at this point I believe, being served secretly, as we speak, to those caught on video in the biggest sting operation ever to encompass this great country…” the room went silent. He waited, seconds slowed into Matrix-like minutes. “Instead, I consider the lillies.” He looked at his captive audience and smirked. He held on. They waited. “I’m not a plant guy. I’ll admit. I like to eat ‘em, but I don’t care to spend my time learning about ‘em.” The room was electrified with uncertainty.
“I have my stances on what plants are good for America and what plants are bad for America, but I must admit, my opinion has been evolving…” The audience was riveted, what on Earth was he talking about? “Our forefathers didn’t agree on many things. Some didn’t like slavery, some did.” Dead air filled their ear drums. “Some felt women were equal to men, some didn’t. Some of our forefathers fought each other to death because they would not evolve with the times and many died. I don’t want that for America. I know in my heart, it is our right to evolve. But I also understand, it also our right NOT to evolve.”
The people in the room began to look at each other. Sweat dripped visibly off the brows of neighbors. Temperatures rose and pheromones clashed. It was getting awkward. “If there was one thing our forefathers agreed upon, it was that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness included growing hemp, marijuana, cannabis for medicinal purposes or otherwise." Gasps sprung like gas leaks. "I, Donald Trump, do hereby declare through executive order #14420 that this plant is no longer considered a schedule one drug and completely legal. From now on, ALL Americans are restored their right to cultivate this herb that was written about in the bible and given to us by God!”
The eruption on camera felt scripted. People hugged each other and forgot about a virus. Many wept openly. There were cheers around the country. Social media exploded with some crying foul, but most were grateful and saw it for what it was: a Trump card, and the election was tomorrow.
