TRAPPED

Confined by what I defined,
unrefined was sweeter, I'm the keeper of my kind,
now my mind is building a case against me,
with chains and bars and cement to fence me,
in my defense, I tried to plead ignorance,
but true intelligence applies due diligence
and when I quit my goals and aspirations,
brief respites became lasting vacations,
supplemented with porn and play stations,
infinite sidetracks poured with libations,
keeping my mind racked with anything but answers,
sapped by addiction to impending disaster,
betting on red with spins that just missed,
incurring debt to the bank of "what if's,"
brick by brick and stack by stack
of excuses, curtailed and backed by "math,"

trapped...

by my own design,
this is everyone else's fault but mine,
mom's, dad's, the law's, the divine's,
the only fatal flaw being time...
how much longer do I have,
to keep lamenting about the past,
to keep resenting and plodding this path,
to keep on fencing in the wrath?
Knee-deep in pain and treading morass,
dispensing stones from behind the glass,
drinking in fury, filling the flask,
killing canaries while wearing the mask,
HOW LONG WILL THIS LAST?

I ask...

until I let the past stay passed,
burn that cast in a fiery blast,
and let my phoenix rise from the ash.