The President looked up, his eyes bloodshot. It was Assange.
“Well looky who’s here! Glad fucking Christmas old boy. How’s Ecuador treating you my cheerio chap?”
“The territory of Ecuador in London is still cramped as ever, but I’ll admit, I’m doing better than you Mr. President.” Assange looked amused. “How is the American dream?”
“It would be better with a cigarette,” he responded. “Got any?”
“I don’t smoke,” Assange shrugged. “I’d give you one if I had it though. You look haggard.”
“Thanks asshole.” The President was not himself. “Pardon my nicotine fiend, but it’s hard to keep my filter in place when I haven’t had my fix.”
“I understand sir.” Assange leaned against the door frame. He was still tall as ever, maybe more gaunt now. His beard made him look like an old man. “No one has caught you on film yet with a Marlboro between your fingers, eh?”
“Knock on wood!” The President banged his head against the metal chair. “I’m already a murderer of Muslim women and children, I wouldn’t want to assist in the tobacco industry’s jihad on ignorant Americans.” His eyes bulged wide with frustration. “Did you get a chance to say ‘hi’ to Manning on his way out?”
Assange just looked at him. “I heard a wild rumor about your death.”
“Be a dear, and put it atop the pile. The camel can take it.”
“I was told some White Supremacist groups are scheming with some of your political enemies to off you publicly,” Assange continued. “They’re scared of your influence, but they’re willing to wheel-and-deal with your martyrdom. You still make them veeery nervous. They seem to believe you’re an undercover agent working with the People against the status quo to bring a liberal agenda to innocent, white children everywhere.”
“So preposterous…such paranoia…and sooo predicable!” The President mimicked Assange’s accent. “How am I doing? I noticed you traded much of your Aussie swagger for some stiff, upper-lipped Brit. Didn’t want to look and sound like Crocodile Dundee, I guess?”
“If they get an angry mob to publicly assault you, they’re thinking much of the public might empathize, and maybe even partake…you being the cause of all their troubles, of course.”
“Of course I am,” replied the President sarcastically. “It’s all my fault.”
“You’ve angered much of the intelligence community by attempting to be the ‘most transparent administration in history.’ You didn’t think that would come back to bite you in the arse?”
“Hah!” laughed the President. “This IS the most transparent administration in history. Remember Rumsfeld?” His fingers made air quotes beneath the restraints. “‘We know the knowns, but we don’t know the unknowns…blah, blah blah?’ I’m giving the public the ‘unknowns’ on a platter! They’re just mad because they know there’s more we’re not telling them, and now they want to know it all. Let the intelligence community deal with it. They’ve been spoiled children for too long.”
Assange smirked. “I admire your spunk. Just be careful about doing any public speeches in the South. The conservative pundits are stirring up more dissent than ever.”
“Well, they should!” the President cut loose. “The South is full of good people and really, really, REALLY rotten politicians who play on the fears of their grandparents, making them look like stereotypes. I’m gonna ‘take away their guns’ and ‘force their kids listen to rap’ and ‘put a Mosque in every city’ and ‘make their daughters get abortions.’ It’s all crap! If they tar-and-feathered some of their own, the mainstream media might get back to doing their job.”
“Well, if we remember our history, there are many in the upper echelon who would happily cover up your murder to get things back to ‘normal.’ This mob scenario would most certainly be made up of conspirators willing to go to jail for the cause…you being the root of their concern.”
“I know, ‘blame it on the black guy.’ It’s all soooooooooooo boring…yet soooooooooooo easy!” The president continued, “you know, the irony here is, they don’t believe in evolution, and as long as they are in power, we won’t evolve. Genius!”
“Don’t start doubting yourself now sir,” said Assange. “I believe the silent majority would be traumatized if you gave up after all this.”
“Oh, I’m just bitching,” admitted the President. “I believe in us, and I don’t intend to give up…as soon as I can get out of this chair. Got any bolt cutters?”
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